During our wellness retreat to Taos, NM, a wise teacher shared the following words "Happiness is the balance between joy and sorrow." Unlike a common belief that happiness is all about having fun, this thought gave me a more realistic view on life. Funny enough, the phrase came in handy this morning when a friend of mine called me to talk about her breakup with her boyfriend. I could feel the heartache across the telephone line as she shared how wonderful it has been to spend time with him and how hard it was for her to let him go.
I know how difficult it can be to let go of someone or something that made you happy. The pain can take over your whole body as you think that life will never be as bright as it used to be. But if you stop for a moment and listen to your heart, you may recognize that those things or people may not bring you the same joy in the future. All of a sudden, I thought about cheesecake (my friend's favorite dessert). I know it may be shocking to think about dessert at a situation like this, but hear me out.
Think about this... you are eating a cheesecake for dessert and you are enjoying every single morsel of it. All of a sudden it is finished and you can't help but look back a few minutes to remember the taste. You know that you won't be eating cheesecake for a while and you already start to miss it. But then imagine, that someone tells you that you must each cheesecake for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Nothing else but cheesecake. Maybe the first 2 days will be fun, but I am pretty sure that most of us will get sick of the sweetness and we will want something savory. Notice that nothing about cheesecake has changed, but your perspective is now different. Once we were allowed to have as much of something as we want, our attitudes change.
There is a point when some things run their course and it is not necessarily a bad thing. Without some sorrow in our lives, we will not be able to appreciate the good. So, when we are faced with a situation that we don't enjoy, perhaps the best thing to do is to take a deep breath and to consciously allow it to happen. I strongly believe that many cases of emotional eating can be cured if people allow themselves to have whatever they think they want. What's meant to happen, will happen anyway, so why not allow it? Chances are, however, that when we allow ourselves to have something, we may look at it in a different light, see it for what it is and actually not want it any more.
If you are struggling with your health, I hope this post will also help you get through difficult parts on your path and give you strength it to keep going. Remember that having too much even of a good thing is not so good. Find your balance. Savor every good moment that you get to enjoy and simply accept the not-so-good ones. You may find that the less you let the world stress you, the faster you will become happier and healthier.
Yesterday, I was coaching a young woman on how to make the right choice in her relationship -- should she be in it or should she get out? As a coach, I don't advise people on WHAT to do, but lead them to find the answer they know is already there inside them. But since sometimes it may be hard to look at a relationship objectively, an analogy to shopping can do the trick.
So, look at the dilemma as if you are buying a dress. It maybe a gorgeous Dior gown in a beautiful shade of emerald that looks fabulous on a hanger, but once you put it on, it is a whole different story. The dress may not fit well on your shoulders or be too tight at the waist. It may be too short or the color may clash with your skin tone. It may even be a whole size smaller than you wear. And yet, you love that dress. So, what's a girl to do?
You can still buy the dress, love looking at it, but hate wearing it. But is that worth the financial investment? The answer is in you and it is up to you to decide on how to proceed. All I can do is help you change your perspective -- think of a simple, elegant, non-designer dress that you once bought on sale and then ended up loving it so much that you wore it all the time. I know we all have had that kind of shopping experience. Well, same can happen in relationships.
You may meet a terrific person, but they just seem to bring out the worst in you and no matter how hard you both try, you both end up sad or angry. It doesn't mean that you are bad people, it could be that you just don't "fit" each other as well. And if that is the case, think of what you would do with that amazing Dior gown that didn't fit... Would you buy it or leave it?
I believe the relationships are meant to be joyful. I believe that your partner should help you become the best person you can be. Yes, there may be down days when you get mad and you fight, but I think those should be rare. In the end, the happy days should be outweighing the sad days by a big margin. After all, why would a person decide to invest his/her time in a relationship if they weren't feeling loved?
Remember that no matter who you are or where you are, you are a part of the universe that is all love and you deserve to feel that love. Relationships and shopping should you be your choices, so make them the most fabulous and joyful experiences you can!
One of the biggest challenges my clients face when they start working with me is discovering that deep inside them there is a voice that sabotages their successes. Somewhere deep inside there is a voice that keeps telling them that they are not good enough… Continue reading here.
One of my favorite Disney movies is Beauty and the Beast. Little girls from an early age are taught to look through the looks and love people for who they are. I think we all consciously try to do that. Except for one person. In my line of work I often see women who can't fall in love with themselves. Continue reading here.