One of my favorite Disney movies is Beauty and the Beast. This morning I was thinking what a beautiful story it is -- a gorgeous girl falls in love with a beast because she can see something special in him. She falls in love with his beautiful spirit. Millions of people world-wide know this story and admire it as much as I do. Little girls from an early age are taught to look through the looks and love people for who they are. I think we all consciously try to do that. Except for one person. In my line of work I often see women who can't fall in love with themselves.
I have several clients that are truly beautiful inside and out, but somehow they don't love themselves. There is a lot of self-doubt, low self-worth and a lot of negativity that is pointed inwards. I must admit that loving myself wasn't easy either. It took a long time for me to be able to tell myself that I love me. It wasn't easy to see what a great person I am. And even as I am writing these lines, a lingering doubt still comes over my head and asks me who the heck am I to say that I am a great person? Why in the world should I think that I am great? To silence the voice I want to ask it back -- why not? It is me who is doing the thinking, so I might as well think well of myself. One of my favorite quotes is from Henry Ford who said: "Whether you think you can or you can't. Either way you're right." Funny thing is, you are the one who gets to choose how to think. No one is perfect. We all have good and not-so-good traits. We are all doing the best we can. So, if you love your friends just as they are, if you respect a wedding vow that states "for better or worse," then why not apply the same rules to ourselves? Love yourself as you are and focus on the good in you. See your own beauty, not the "beast." Why can Belle love the beast while it is often so hard to humans to love ourselves? Nourish your spirit and be gentle with yourself. I believe there is divinity in each one of us and it is our job to respect it and appreciate it. I am not advocating self-loathing or selfishness. I am simply trying to shift focus from being our own worst-critic to our very own best cheerleader. We have the power to love or hate ourselves. Chances are, we can find reasons to do either one. Why not choose the one that makes us feel good? It may take practice, but I promise you, it is well worth-it. I started by looking at myself in the mirror and trying to come up with 3 things I liked about myself. It may not be easy at first, so see yourself as your friends do and start thinking of things people compliment you on. Work on focusing on those features and expand the list as you go along. Like a small snowball of self-love, it will begin to grow bigger with each practice until one day when you pass by yourself in the mirror, smile, wink at yourself and say "Hello, Gorgeous!"
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A few days ago I was having dinner with a friend when he confessed that if I wasn't there with him, he would be ordering tempura for his main course instead of nigiri sushi. Being about 30 pounds overweight, he told me is trying to lose weight by working out every day, but somehow the scale is moving down very slowly. After mentioning that I am in no way a food police, I asked why would he want tempura in the first place? After all, there must have been a deep need for that dish if he had to mention it. His answer, however, was simple -- I like it.
It happens all the time. We go out to eat and we see dishes that we like and want to order. If we try to analyze whether or not we should or shouldn't have it, chances are that if we order what we want, but shouldn't have, then we feel guilty. If we don't order what we want, we feel deprived. What's a girl to do? As I was going to reply to my friend's answer, I remembered that he is a fabulous shopper and then a new analogy came to mind. Imagine you are at Nordstrom and you see a trendy jacket. It looks great on you and you really want to buy it, but then you notice that it is far out of your budget and it is poorly maid, so it won't last more than a few wears. Would you still want to buy it? Most likely not. A good shopper knows that it is all about price per wear -- if you are watching your budget and want to invest money into a piece, it should last through many days of use. And what about food? Why would a great shopper like my friend even want to spend his calories and money on food that has no nutritional value? If he was in a perfect shape and could "over spend," then perhaps a splurge here and there will not make a big difference. However, in his case he had many pounds to shed, so every calorie was important. His answer again, was very simple -- it tastes good. Sure, I get it. We like food because it tastes good and we want the pleasure of eating it. But again, at what cost? Is the value of a meal worth it? Do you really want to eat it if it's going to cost you so much? Will you really get all the pleasure from the meal when you know you are damaging your budget? After looking at the tempura as he would at a poor quality jacket, my friend paused and smiled. I could see that he stopped wanting it all together and we changed our conversation on to another topic. He also seemed to be enjoying his nigiri sushi very much, not only because it tasted good to him but also because he knew it was making his body feel good long-term. If you are struggling with self-deprivation and guilt when it comes to food, I urge you to look at it as you do at clothes. See if you would want to eat it if the same situation applied to clothes at your favorite store. If you think that you can easily afford a splurge and there is value in it, then go for it. Enjoy every bite and forget about the guilt. But if you see that the cost of it is too high, allow yourself to have it and see if you still want it. If you don't, then find something else that you will enjoy during and after the meal. After all, life is about enjoyment and having a great time during the meal and feeling good afterwards. During our wellness retreat to Taos, NM, a wise teacher shared the following words "Happiness is the balance between joy and sorrow." Unlike a common belief that happiness is all about having fun, this thought gave me a more realistic view on life. Funny enough, the phrase came in handy this morning when a friend of mine called me to talk about her breakup with her boyfriend. I could feel the heartache across the telephone line as she shared how wonderful it has been to spend time with him and how hard it was for her to let him go.
I know how difficult it can be to let go of someone or something that made you happy. The pain can take over your whole body as you think that life will never be as bright as it used to be. But if you stop for a moment and listen to your heart, you may recognize that those things or people may not bring you the same joy in the future. All of a sudden, I thought about cheesecake (my friend's favorite dessert). I know it may be shocking to think about dessert at a situation like this, but hear me out. Think about this... you are eating a cheesecake for dessert and you are enjoying every single morsel of it. All of a sudden it is finished and you can't help but look back a few minutes to remember the taste. You know that you won't be eating cheesecake for a while and you already start to miss it. But then imagine, that someone tells you that you must each cheesecake for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Nothing else but cheesecake. Maybe the first 2 days will be fun, but I am pretty sure that most of us will get sick of the sweetness and we will want something savory. Notice that nothing about cheesecake has changed, but your perspective is now different. Once we were allowed to have as much of something as we want, our attitudes change. There is a point when some things run their course and it is not necessarily a bad thing. Without some sorrow in our lives, we will not be able to appreciate the good. So, when we are faced with a situation that we don't enjoy, perhaps the best thing to do is to take a deep breath and to consciously allow it to happen. I strongly believe that many cases of emotional eating can be cured if people allow themselves to have whatever they think they want. What's meant to happen, will happen anyway, so why not allow it? Chances are, however, that when we allow ourselves to have something, we may look at it in a different light, see it for what it is and actually not want it any more. If you are struggling with your health, I hope this post will also help you get through difficult parts on your path and give you strength it to keep going. Remember that having too much even of a good thing is not so good. Find your balance. Savor every good moment that you get to enjoy and simply accept the not-so-good ones. You may find that the less you let the world stress you, the faster you will become happier and healthier. Today I was talking to client about achieving her health goal of her perfect weight. I knew that with my coaching she can get there in just a few months, but in the beginning she had her doubts. Then I asked her a question that shed the light onto the dilemma -- "What is holding you back?"
When it comes down to it, it is all about facing what's in your way and figuring out how to get what you want. And I will admit that the answers that come up may sound intimidating to the person saying them. However, if you look at it from the shopping perspective, you may be surprised how easy it can be to get what you want. Think about the Apple IPad. I know people who have stood in line since 7 am to get one of those. Did they hate their lives and feel miserable? Not at all. They all voluntarily got up at the crack of dawn and got to the store in order to buy this new toy. And examples don't have to be that extreme. Think about walking around your favorite store and spotting an outfit you liked, just to find out that there was a line to the fitting room and then to the register. Did that stop you from getting the clothes? If you wanted them enough, then probably not. Look at vibrant health, perfect weight and high energy the same way -- as something you want to achieve. So, you may need to make some adjustments to your life, but they don't have to be extreme. With the right coaching and support, they will be just like "standing in line" to get it. I know you are worth having the body you want. All you need is to decide whether you are willing to "stand in that line." And if you see that you don't want it that bad, then hey, life just got even easier -- you have one less thing on your to-do list. I hope this makes you think about your true wants and helps you prioritize your life accordingly. Because I know that there is nothing that can hold you back, if you truly want something. When it comes to eating and shopping, there are many similarities, but there is one big difference. If you over-spend and have too many outfits at home (and some may even get into credit card debt) then you can sell or throw out unwanted clothes immediately and get back to your budget. However if one consistently overeats, he/she can't immediately release the unwanted pounds without side effects.
So, this got me thinking -- why do people so often overeat? It surely doesn't feel good to be so full you can barely move and it definitely doesn't look good to have too much extra weight on. By looking at this situation from a shopping perspective, perhaps we can shed some light on to how to solve it. Imagine you are in your favorite store and there is a fantastic sale on all of your favorite designers. What would you do? If you were like me, you would probably be ecstatic and start piling up your favorite pieces into the fitting room to try all of them on. After that, you would select the ones that make you look the best and then consider your budget of how many of them you can actually afford. The last step of the shopping galore would be to actually buy selected items and go home with an anticipation of wearing them as soon as possible! So far, so good, right? Here is what I wouldn't do if I was shopping: I wouldn't buy EVERYTHING that looks good. I wouldn't buy more than one outfit in the same color, style and cut. I wouldn't buy so much that it would put me in a financial bind and I wouldn't wear all of the dresses, skirts, pants and tops at the same time. The reason being is that in shopping we know when we've had enough and when we need to stop. Otherwise we will look silly and be broke. If you look at eating in a similar way, it may help you understand that you simply can't and don't want to eat EVERYTHING that there is. Yes, the process may feel good in your mouth when you chew the food, but we are all adults and need to understand that a 20 second pleasure of chewing will make us feel miserable for many hours or sometimes days later. If you think you've had enough, just try to observe that feeling and save the food for later. Get it "to go" if you are in a restaurant so you can have it later. Or put it back in the fridge if you are at home. I am not trying to make you exercise excessive willpower or deprive yourself. But if you look at eating too much as shopping too much, then you will see that it is a simple human desire to stop when you've had enough and will feel uncomfortable later. Remember, you are eating for YOU! Not anyone else. You buy things because they make you feel good. Try eating food for the same reason -- because it makes you feel good. Not only now, but also later. MEDITATION. To be honest when my parents first suggested I give it a try, I got more anxious and nervous than I was to begin with. The idea of sitting still, relaxing my body and stopping all of my thoughts terrified me. As a busy professional, it is extremely hard to find the time to meditate.
We all know that meditation can significantly improve our health, our mood and our overall wellbeing. We know that we should do it, but we simply don’t have the time to learn, not even mentioning practice it daily. But after examining the concept in simple terms and applying the “according to shopping” example, meditation now doesn’t seem that complicated. In the mall, one of my favorite pleasures often happens in between shopping – catching up at the Starbucks with my best friend. It may not be a long time, but it is very important for me to see her, see what she is up to, listen to her and then have her listen to me when I tell her what’s on my mind. When it comes to seeing my friend and having Starbucks with her, I find it to be a simple and enjoyable way to relax. It’s not a rocket science to chat with a friend. There is no pressure and we don’t feel guilty about taking time for this simple pleasure in life. Friends are the support in our daily life and we know that it is vital that we spend time with them. So, why not look at meditation as "having Starbucks with yourself"? When you are going through the mall of your life and feel overwhelmed, tired, anxious and depleted, take a few minutes out of your day and catch up with yourself. The point of meditation is to become aware of the thoughts in your mind and sensations in your body. I think that a basic beginner’s meditation is nothing more than having a dialogue with yourself as you would with a best friend. It can be anywhere that’s convenient for you – either at an actual Starbucks (but it has to be quiet enough to have the dialogue), in your own kitchen over a cup of coffee or tea in the morning when no one is up yet, in the middle of the afternoon in your office or anywhere else where you can just sit down and be by yourself for a few minutes. You start by asking yourself “How do you feel, sweetheart? How do your neck and shoulders feel today? How are your arms? Stomach? Legs? Toes? Is there any tension that’s bothering you? What’s on your mind these days? Then, as a good friend would, you listen. You listen to whatever comes up in your mind and your body. You become aware of the sensations and the thoughts. And then you tell yourself that it is ok to have the thoughts that worry you and it is ok have the aches and pains. You observe. You soothe yourself with calmness that everything will be ok. You tell yourself that you love yourself and send love to each body part to release the tension and the pain. This is not the time to find solutions, this is the time to be a good friend to yourself by just listening and sending love. Be there for yourself to let go of the negative thoughts and then give positive affirmations about your self-worth that will inspire you for the day, just like a good friend would. Then you thank yourself for taking the time for the mental “Starbucks” and you move on with your day. If our best friends deserve our attention to listen to them and calm them, then there is no reason that we can’t do the same for ourselves. After all, you have to live with yourself 24/7, so why not give you the love and attention we deserve? Oftentimes we bail on our own selves and forget to check in to see how we are doing. By having “Starbucks” with yourself, you become aware of what’s going on inside your body and mind, and to me this awareness is the essence of meditation. I hope this helps you to discover that you too can find the time to have a “Starbucks” with yourself and that you too deserve the love and attention you give to your best friend. Gives it a try this week and do it everyday. I am sure you will feel much calmer, relaxed and loved. This weekend I was at a 2-day Conference for the Institute for Integrative Nutrition in South Beach. To kick off this 2,000 people event, the group that I co‐founded and I were asked to welcome the attendees as we took the stage and shared our personal success stories. Since I was going to be on stage, I decided to wear a green MaxStudio skirt, green Gucci shoes a black T‐shirt with our group logo. It was promising to be an invigorating experience and to get the right energy, I decided to start the day with a superfood smoothie made with Maca, Spirulina, Chlorella, RAW Protein powder, fruit and dark greens. The smoothie worked like magic and I was feeling great.
Sunday, however was going to be a different kind of day and I knew I had to wear more casual clothes, since I would be sitting and listening to more presentations. As I pondered on what I was going to wear to make myself comfortable (and stylish), I also thought about what I was going to have for breakfast. And then a thought came to me — that our food choices need to be similar to clothes. Our choices in both should be based not only on the immediate feeling we get, but also on the outcome we want from it. Even though the smoothie is delicious, it wasn't the right choice for me on Sunday, as I needed more grounding foods. I think that when we decide on what to eat, we should not only think about how we feel at that moment, but also how we want to feel later on. It's not only about a 5 minute taste feast. Whether you like it or not, food will continue to affect you for several hours after you eat it. Food, just like clothes, works in relation to other factors in your environment such the seasons, weather, mood, schedule, overall wellbeing, etc. For example, if you like how your slippers feel on your feet right now and decide to wear them on a freezing January morning, you will be cold for hours to come. Same with food. If it is cold and gloomy outside and you have a big meeting coming up, then perhaps something uplifting and energetic would balance the weather out and give you the long‐lasting boost you need. And just because one breakfast is supposedly "good for you," it may not be good for you at that moment. But what about social pressures? What can you do when you are going out with a group and you see your friend eat foods that will make you feel tired later? Well, would you wear the same dress that your friend is wearing, if it doesn't compliment your figure? Same with food — when we shop for clothes, we consider our body shapes and we choose foods, we need look to look at our body types. Your friend maybe a Pitta body‐type and needs cooling foods, while you are a Vata and may need more grounding. (I love Ayurvedic approach to foods and use it with clients that want to balance their energy and mood. If you need help figuring out what foods work for you, email me) Just because a particular food is good for your friend, doesn't mean it is good for you. It is all based on your bio‐individuality, just like your choices in clothes. I hope that you become more aware of why you make certain food choices and analyze how they affect your energy and your mood. Even though I love salads, I won't eat them when I feel anxious and need grounding energy from food, such as cooked vegetables. And no matter how much I love my Chanel rainboots, if they are going to make me uncomfortable on a hot sunny day, I will choose my sandals instead. So, next time you are debating on what to eat, think of how you want to feel during AND after the meal. After having challenges with my Iphone 3, I finally decided it was time to upgrade to a new sassier version. With a credit card in hand, I waltzed in to the Apple Store and readily paid my $200 for a new gadget. Happy as I could be, I came home to start playing with the new toy. However, my excitement was quickly replaced with annoyance as I found out that I need to get a new $129 operating system for my Mac, in order to sync the phone. Sitting at my computer, I was procrastinating the trip back to the store for a few hours.
This got me thinking about other decisions we make in life. If we really want something, then the task of doing it seems effortless and pleasant. We are happy doing what we WANT. But when it comes to doing something that we NEED, we often times don't enjoy it. I truly believes that the same can apply to eating healthy. If you can have all of your favorite foods, there is no reason to push yourself to eat them. But if you are presented with a choice of foods you don't like, no matter how nutritious they are for your body, then you won't enjoy the process. So, what's a girl to do? I think there are two options. First, ask yourself - "What can I do about this situation?" And there is often something that can be done with an alternative option. For example, is there a better tasting alternative to drinking wheat grass shots and getting this same nutrition? In this situation, you could add some yummy blended mango to the shot and it will cover the taste of the greens. Option #2. What if there is nothing you can actually do? What if you just have to bite the bullet and do it? How can you still get excited about it? Well, in that situation, I must say you have to change your focus and your attitude. And it is actually easier than you may think. When you have a task at hand and you don't want to do it, focus of the result. Get yourself really pumped about the OUTCOME of whatever it is that needs to be done. For example, if you are dreading exercise and there is no activity that makes you happy, then keep your mind of the result you want to get. See your body strong and lean. It is remarkable how fast time will pass and how easy working out will be. And I am sure you have done something like that before. Remember when you were little and wanted a bike, but you needed to save your weekly allowance for it? Saving your money wasn't such a horrible thing to complain about. You probably got excited every time you saved a few pennies because it brought you closer to the end result. Well, think of your perfect body and perfect weight the same way. Every time you have an opportunity to decline a piece of cake, savor the fact that you are one step closer to your goal! Our minds work in very intricate ways that science still can't quiet explain. But one thing for sure, we can have more control over our thoughts than we give ourselves credit to. So, focus on the fun and fabulous results you want and the rest will fall into place! With love and gratitude, Alina |
ASK ALINAWhy ask me?- After many challenges and different crazy life experiences I am living my dream life and since my friends say I am pretty wisdomous and I think I am a little bit funny too, I want to share my life approach with you so you can live the life you love as well. Here is a little bit about me: - I am a creator of #1 Best Diet as selected by Harpers Baazar Magazine - I started my career in the corporate world and didn't even know how to peel a shallot - I have been a chef for celebrities for over 10 years - I have a realistic approach to food and life - I have a great relationship with food and can even let chocolate go bad because I simply forget I have it at home (something I wasn't able to do 10 years ago) - I eat carbs whenever I feel like it without any guilt - I used to hate to cook and now absolutely love being a private chef and a food relationship coach - I wear whatever clothes I desire no matter what everyone is wearing or thinking - I am in good shape and my body’s biological age is 13 years younger than the one in my passport - I have experience being super poor, super wealthy and in between - I’ve worked in corporate world and am now an entrepreneur - I was married and divorced - I used to cry going to work because I was so miserable with my boss - I’ve had an emotional eating disorder - I moved from Russia to USA alone at the age of 15 - I’ve lived in Russia, Europe and on both coasts of USA - I have been super skinny and overweight - I have been insecure and unhappy with reasons and secure and happy for no reason - I used to wear glasses and healed my eyes with the power of thought and exercises - I created "Couture Nutrition®" so you can have tailor-made solutions for your body and soul - My brain usually comes up with jokes to soften stressful situations - I think color coordination, sparkles and rainbows are underused |