Do you ever feel lonely? Ever get that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach? You know what I’m talking about, right? If you have, then you are not alone and hopefully you are feeling a little better already knowing that you are not alone in your loneliness. We are all in this together.
I know exactly what it feels like, but when it comes down to dissecting that feeling, what’s so bad about it? There is a definite distinction between loneliness and being alone. Being alone can be a good thing. For example, going to the bathroom alone is usually preferred. Focusing on a work project can be best when done alone.
Loneliness is different, and from my experience of allowing myself to feel it fully, I realize that the real pain comes from the thought that no one cares about us. Just recently I was seeing a guy who would text to check up on me and he would be available whenever I needed him. He’s the kind of a guy who has that presence about him that says he will take care of you, that he’s got this. I will admit that it felt very good to feel that energy around me.
However, there were other sides to that relationship that weren’t aligned with what I needed and so I broke it off. Standing in my kitchen a few days later I felt lonely all of a sudden. No texts checking in, no attention.
That’s when it hit me, the feeling of loneliness was caused by the thought that the person I cared about wasn’t there anymore and that caused me the pain in the pit of my stomach.
But you know what? This thought wasn’t so silent. On the contrary, my head was quite busy with internal chatter. This chatter made me realize that I am not alone. In fact, none of us are ever alone. Instead, we have this voice in our heads that keeps us company non-stop. If you just asked yourself "What voice? I don't have any voice in my head", that's the voice!
At that moment the voice was rather annoying with its monologue of how I should have stayed in that relationship because he care about me and at least I wasn't alone and so on. You know how that voice can be a bit of a downer?
The good news is that we have the power to change those thoughts and maybe, just maybe, we can make that voice be the one who takes care of us and loves us?
We often miss people because they took care of us. Well, now you can get YOU to take care of you. You can check in on yourself during the day, you can get yourself flowers, you can take yourself out and you can laugh at your own jokes. (I know I already do the latter quite a bit). Why is it that we give so much power to other people (that we may not even fully like) to make us feel good or bad?
As soon as I realized that the true feeling of loneliness stems from the unmet desire to be taken care of and cared for, I picked up my book “Let Yourself Blossom: The un-diet guide to food and self-love” and started to re-read it and do the homework.
I originally wrote this book to help myself navigate the overwhelming world of diets and to find peace with my body. Now, I turned to the book to help me overcome the feeling of loneliness.
If you are feeling lonely, check out the book. It’s an easy read, I promise. It has lots of blank pages that you can fill out with your own ideas of what makes you feel good, so the book becomes customized to you. You also will get lots of easy comfort-food recipes, so if you feel like treating yourself to something yummy without the guilt, you have many great options.
When you realize that you will NEVER be alone, that you always have YOU to keep you company and all you have to do is fall in love with yourself, then you will never feel lonely again. I promise you that.
And as far as relationships go, you will only be truly happy in a relationship when you don't need anything from the other person, but instead are happy just being with them and loving them unconditionally.
So, let's start loving ourselves up and creating happier and healthier lives for own sake and for the sake of others.
9/28/2017 05:34:00 pm
Amazingly insightful!! I love the specific tips of how to feel fulfilled. Thanks so much for your wisdom, Alina! 💜
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Why ask me?
- After many challenges and different crazy life experiences I am living my dream life and since my friends say I am pretty wisdomous and I think I am a little bit funny too, I want to share my life approach with you so you can live the life you love as well.
Here is a little bit about me:
- I am a creator of #1 Best Diet as selected by Harpers Baazar Magazine
- I started my career in the corporate world and didn't even know how to peel a shallot
- I have been a chef for celebrities for over 10 years
- I have a realistic approach to food and life
- I have a great relationship with food and can even let chocolate go bad because I simply forget I have it at home (something I wasn't able to do 10 years ago)
- I eat carbs whenever I feel like it without any guilt
- I used to hate to cook and now absolutely love being a private chef and a food relationship coach
- I wear whatever clothes I desire no matter what everyone is wearing or thinking
- I am in good shape and my body’s biological age is 13 years younger than the one in my passport
- I have experience being super poor, super wealthy and in between
- I’ve worked in corporate world and am now an entrepreneur
- I was married and divorced
- I used to cry going to work because I was so miserable with my boss
- I’ve had an emotional eating disorder
- I moved from Russia to USA alone at the age of 15
- I’ve lived in Russia, Europe and on both coasts of USA
- I have been super skinny and overweight
- I have been insecure and unhappy with reasons and secure and happy for no reason
- I used to wear glasses and healed my eyes with the power of thought and exercises
- I created "Couture Nutrition®" so you can have tailor-made solutions for your body and soul
- My brain usually comes up with jokes to soften stressful situations
- I think color coordination, sparkles and rainbows are underused